Every leader dreads managing emotional employees. Whether it’s tears, anger or screaming fits, the extremes of emotion leave both the supervisor and the employee – and anyone within earshot of the outburst — feeling embarrassed and stressed.
How do you stay calm and get your point across when confronted by emotional employees? How do you prepare for this scenario? Learning to direct and manage emotional conversations in a productive way should be one of the essential tools in your supervisor toolbox.
In the moment that an emotional outburst occurs, however, your top priority is de-escalating a volatile situation. This isn’t the time to try to sit down with the employee for a productive conversation about consequences and accountability.
Here are 7 tips for managing emotional employees:
- Don’t take it personally
Watch out for your own defensiveness, especially if the employee said something in anger, like blaming you as the cause of the blowup or for a missed deadline.
Remember that frustration is usually the cause of outbursts in the workplace. Stay focused on performance issues, is this situation likely to occur again and keep your tone respectful and professional.
Once everyone has calmed down, you can prepare to have a conversation with the emotional employee to discuss performance, consequences, standards and accountability.
- Plan ahead
Nothing beats being prepared when it comes to managing emotional employees. Ask yourself if this person tends to be sensitive to criticism or quick to anger. Does the employee have a known trigger? Has he or she been under a great deal of stress, either at work or home?
Think in advance about what you want to say and how to say. Plan for privacy. Do not have the conversation within earshot of other employees.
- Start with a positive
Especially if you think the conversation can take a turn to the emotional, start it with a positive. This sets the tone for your entire discussion and can help the employee engage with what you’re saying later, even if it’s hard to hear.
Tell your employee what he or she does right. Tell them what you appreciate about their contributions to projects, coworkers or team dynamics. In other words, let your employee know up front why they are a valued member of the team and that you appreciate their contributions.
- Focus on performance
Your feedback must remain focused on performance. Yes, the employee in question may be annoying, but that’s not the point. The point is that the annoying habit or behavior is affecting their work and that of their teammates. Instead of berating an employee for the way he or she responded to a situation, explain how the response escalated the situation or affected the work. Offer an alternative response and why it would produce a more positive outcome for all parties.
Don’t let your anticipation of the conversation blow things out of proportion by imagining worst-case scenarios. Try to stay positive, and rely on these tips to help you stay on track when you’re in the middle of the discussion.
- Acknowledge and listen
Sometimes a little venting is all that’s needed to make an employee feel like they’ve been heard. If tears erupt, empathy is entirely appropriate to express. If your employee is angry, acknowledge their frustration, but if that anger takes a turn toward the abusive, quietly make it clear that you will not condone bad language or threatening behavior.
- Pay attention
As your conversation progresses, watch your employee’s body language and tone of voice, as well as your own. If the conversation is escalating, stay calm and try to find common ground.
If you feel that the employee isn’t taking in what you’re saying, consider taking a break.
Managers sometimes have the tendency to keep plowing through a conversation, not recognizing that it has ceased to be productive. Taking a few minutes to regroup can be beneficial to both you and your employee. These tips can help you both refocus on the point of the conversation – moving forward in a productive manner.
- Consider a re-do
Giving someone a private moment to collect themselves helps them preserve their dignity and self-respect, and helps you both come back ready to discuss performance productively.
Be sensitive to clues from your employee. In the case of tears, hand over a box of tissues, and tell your employee that you’ll leave the room and return in 15 minutes. Use that time to reflect on the conversation and compose yourself – not gather over the top of a cube to chat with other employees.
Managing emotional employees isn’t enjoyable, and it will probably never be a favorite function of your job. It is crucial, however, to maintaining a positive work environment where all employees feel valued for their contributions and are motivated and engaged.
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